16 July 2008

Leaving Normal

Hanging out at home, and (pretending) to clean has given me a lot of time to contemplate why it is that I moved out to California. I come from NY which is kind of the be all end all for a lot of people. It's true that if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere but what of the people who were born "making it there"?

I went away both to high school and college, though most of my friends were still New Yorkers. The majority of them were biding their time until they could return to the naked streets, many even going back home for college, but I was not excited to return home after graduation.

In truth, New York is simultaneously my favorite place and the place I dread most in the world. It's the place I feel most comfortable and the place that stifles me in every way. I need change, and whenever I'm home I feel this stagnant hold that scares me. The option is always there, go home if things get too hard. I believe it's my pride that won't let me. There's the challenge.
Can I do it? Can I support myself? Find a niche in a new place. Create new friendships at an age where honestly most people are pretty fake. Those are all the tidbits that hold me here.

And that's why I moved across the country, because I feel like if I can't make it outside of New York, there's no way I will be able to make it there.

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