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#85: Word of the Day ...
Indifference. On Friday, my iPod was taken from work. It was a red iPod nano (1st generation) and it was the first major purchase I made after moving to Oakland. It was my first "big girl" gift to myself.
Ever since my iPod was taken I've felt an overwhelming feeling of indifference towards my students. I'm not really mad, I've just shut down. After weeks of busting my ass and going above and beyond, I find myself at a standstill. I just. don't. care.
I'm doing what I have to do but I can't find the energy to do more. I hate feeling like this because I'm not someone who does the bare minimum. I throw myself headfirst into every project and I extend energy, money and most of all my heart. Now I just can't.
I'm hoping someone will have the integrity to return my iPod but either way, I'm kind of considering this semester a wash. I'm d-u-n, done.
#78: Ms. Stress
When it rains it pours. Despite all the planning and prepping that I did before leaving to "rest", I've come back and it's chaos. There's a million things going on, everyone is calling in sick, I'm sick too, and although it is November, it's blazing hot and the heat is making me more irritated. I'm working all through the weekend and basically I'm living for Veteran's Day. If I can just make it to next Wednesday, I should be alright. If not I may be in jail for killing someone's child.
#73: The Power of Play
Today I had to attend a workshop on the "power of play" for my professional development. The workshop was definitely informative and there were some important techniques that I took away from it, but I had two major qualms about it:
1) although the recess and afterschool (read: ancillary) staff were required to attend teachers were not.
2) part of the reason we were required was because the school paid a lot for the training. Money that frankly could have been put to better use if more people weren't going to required to attend.
One of my biggest problems with education is that although we've made great strides in valuing students and even parents in the educational process, teachers are continually shafted (ultimately to the detriment of the student and families). For instance, even though our students have this week off, teachers are here from 8 am - 5 pm for parent meetings and professional development. In some ways, it's nice to have time in the building when students aren't here to plan, strategize and organize but essentially, some time should be devoted to leaving this space, taking a break and coming back ready to push forward into the hardest teaching months (November, December, January and February). I don't know many educators who really ever turn their brains off when it comes to work but not even being given the opportunity to is extremely detrimental.
Similarly, little things like providing snacks or lunches to faculty is appreciated. Just like students can't learn without eating it's also hard to teach when you're running on empty. And some days when you have to hold a student back or run from supervising to a meeting, there isn't always time to go off0campus to grab something or even prepare leftovers or lunch in the morning.
Today in the workshop someone brought up that it's just as powerful for adults to have time in our days to be creative or "playful" like it is for the students. So how did we get so far away from a simple activity that keeps us balanced? My plan is to definitely use this weekend to play. Otherwise it'll be a very cranky winter.
#71: Catch-Up
Lately I feel like I'm playing a bit of catch up. There's a million shows on my DVR that I haven't got a chance to watch. There's packages I've been meaning to mail out. Clothes I meant to put away and tiny tasks that have been looming over my head like boulders.
The good thing is that I've been getting a lot accomplished and working hard but all of my personal goals have once again fallen by the wayside with the beginning of a new school year.
How do I get back on track?
This week at work we have "off" for parent meetings and professional development. In some ways, it's a respite from the day to day craziness that is working with children but in many ways, the hours are just as long and it's very intense to deal with a student and their parents. I'm trying to figure out how I can recharge my batteries cause they are wearing out on me.
I just want to know what my next step is cause right now I feel like I'm running in place and everything is just out of my reach.
#46: Hot MessTop 3 Things that are a Hot Mess #3 - My Apartment
Every single week I tell myself I'm going to clean up and it doesn't happen. I have things I need to mail buried under papers that need to be thrown out and it's officially, a hot mess.
#2 - My Love Life (a.k.a. The Lack Thereof)
I'm really unexcited about dating right now. I want to but I've found no one even remotely interesting. There's not even anyone to fantasize about lately. It's just disappointing.
#1 - The World
The past couple of weeks I haven't had the time to read the news regularly but the stories that have trickled in have been ultimately depressing. A 16-year old honor student who is beaten to death by people his age, hundreds of people killed in an earthquake in Indonesia and an apparent arsonist that is terrorizing Oakland. It seems like every day, there's more that proves just how much of a hot mess everything is.
