22 November 2009

100 Issues for 100 Days: #98

#98: Inspirations

“If you become frightened, instead become inspired."

I've always looked for inspiration in the world. And I have lots of ambition. I also have lots of interests. And I think I sometimes let my interests and ambitions overwhelm me until I become static.

So I'm going to look at it a different way. I'm going to think of what frightens me the most and use that to inspire me. Instead of letting the fear of not accomplishing the multitude of things I want to do immobilize me, I'm going to take the one thing that frightens me the most and have it become my focus.

Lately I've been thinking about what I fear and one thing keeps popping up: love. I realized that I don't have the best examples for love. The adult men in my life either started off unreliable or turned out to be that way. I don't have many friends who are in love and even amongst those who are they seem to have severe relationship deficiencies or they're entirely too happy for it to seem real to me. That last assessment shows how twisted I am. In my world, if a couple is too happy clearly they can't be truly in love.

I'm trying to suss this all out. How do I use my fear to inspire my actions? How do I push myself to the next phase of my life? Because I'm feeling restless and I need change. And with change comes more fear. Of failure, and finances and making a bad move. It seems never-ending and insurmountable.

No comments: