15 September 2008

One Big Interruption

So lately I've been feeling more than little dissatisfied with The Boy. His recent actions (or inactions, really) have been driving me up the wall. After the whole exclusivity conversation, a lot of the advice was: dump him, move on or fuck someone else. Being who I am, I considered those options carefully. To be honest, the thought of ending things with him makes me physically ill. My chest kind of constricts when I think about it. But I did consider "fuck someone else" to be a viable option.

Recently, an old friend/lover/hook-up has reappeared in my life. The timing seemed fortuitous. He'd called me up a couple of times and even invited me to the club where he works to hang out. Then yesterday, he called to see if I wanted to go to dinner. Because I've had a very hectic couple of weeks, I'd planned on staying in last night, so I invited him to come over for dinner. He came over with wine and salad fixin's while I'd cooked some fish and potatoes. The stars were aligned.

We talked, watched some television and snuggled a bit before the wine took its toll and I suggested heading to bed. Now as he'd clearly spent the night at my place before and I could tell he was interested it seemed like everything was lined up for a casual night between friends ... with benefits. From the moment of the first kiss, it felt off. But I was determined to power through. I figured it was fate. I wanted to hook up with someone else but I didn't want it to be about getting back at anyone. I wanted it to happen naturally and here some higher power had dropped this situation in my lap. This was no time to turn back. But clearly, that higher power has a sense of humor. Though I was determined and eventually started to get a bit into the mood, my partner was having a down day. Way down.

I'm not exactly sure what this means. I was originally hoping that last night was a sign that things were shifting away from The Boy. Now it seems I'm right back where I started.

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