20!0

I hate to fall into beginning of the year tropes but I find myself doing it more and more. I wonder if it's the new year or just the natural rush that comes with having some down time. You feel a need to start anew. So what do I do?

I don't like that Cathy-esque feeling I get, like I'm putting undue, stereotypically female insecurities on the table. Frankly, there are positive changes I could make in my life (financially, emotionally, in my relationships) but I don't think I'm going to end up a spinster, with no savings in a dead-end job if I don't. I'm only 26 for godsakes. So I'm taking it slow. Slow and steady and I'll throw in a few curveballs every once in a while.

But here are my mini-resolutions:
1. Save some dough so I can actually apply to grad school when I'm ready.
2. Try to say "yes" to more oppurtunities.
3. Travel more. Make it happen however I can.

If 2011 comes around and I've done that, I know I'll be happier. But I'm not goin gto beat myself up. Cause that's just a recipe for unhappiness.

100 Issues for 100 Days: #39

#39: To Be Continued ...

Due to illness and the fact that I have to be at work at 8 am, I'll update about Grey's Anatomy tomorrow.

UPDATED: There are five stages of grief ...

1. Denial
I remember when I first began to question Grey's Anatomy. After Denny died, I wailed and cried but I told myself it was in service of the story and after a story like that one, I would follow Shonda Rhimes and the other writers wherever they would go ... and then they made George cheat on Callie with Izzie. I didn't know what to think but I was still on the ride. I was in denial.

2. Anger
Somewhere along the road I became angry. I was still there but I wasn't happy. And I found myself disliking some of my favorite characters. And then the stories came out. The backstage fighting, the tension and I thought, how can a bunch of people who are producing amazing television let petty fights get in their way? It was unfathomable.

3. Bargaining
I remember thinking at times, I'll still watch if they make Meredith and Derek get back together. Or I'll still watch if they bring Denny back. It became a trade-off. One thing for another, tit for tat.

4. Depression
Then there were the dark times. When I watched but I wasn't happy. When I lamented how the case of the week was the only storyline that brought me any feeling of connection. I felt isolated from characters that once made me feel.

5. Acceptance
And then I watched this season's premiere and I've accepted. I've accepted that this is where we are. That some of those misguided storylines and poorly constructed characters have brought us to this point. The point where I can watch two hours of a show and be completely engaged. The point where I can watch Chandra Wilson, without her saying a word and know what her character is thinking ... and those thoughts made me weep. Every time the camera panned to her face I heard her words from season 3, when George's dad died, "My son is named after his son". More than anyone else Chandra Wilson owned last night's performance and I think she had the fewest lines.

So I'm here at acceptance. And I'm ready to move on ... and stop grieving.