28 November 2009

A Perfect Day


Earlier this year I heard about Being Erica this show on SOAPNet. It's about a woman in her early 30s who gets the chance to go back in time to relive and change the moments she regrets. Many times, she learns that even if she changes her actions, ultimately the decisions she made were the right ones. Other times, the experiences help her with what is happening currently in her life. But in one episode, Erica isn't sent back to a moment she regrets but rather to a perfect day. And even though going back changes the day, in the end it is still a great day.

I can't remember having a perfect day (although I'll admit I'm probably not thinking hard enough). I do remember perfect moments: riding in my great-grandfather's lap and steering his old truck, singing Mariah Carey songs to my baby brother, walking back to my dorm and looking up at the clock on top of Sam Phil with the wind cutting through my jacket, every single moment I spent onstage, waking up to a flower on my pillow, standing with my feet in the Indian Ocean. These were perfect moments.

I wonder if, like Erica, going back with what I know now would alter them. Or would I just savor them more? I guess it's easier to think about the moments we regret. The ones we would change. The good moments, the perfect days, those are sometimes harder to recall. We want to relive them but can you ever go back knowing what you know now? I guess the trick is just to move forward either way.

I also really loved these words, a character said. Just something else to think about:

I fear that you will learn the lessons of beauty and injustice
That the poetry your body can create will abandon you
The gifts of your own strength and passion will be dulled before they are even born
I fear that you will cease to yearn for flight

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