15 November 2009

100 Issues for 100 Days: #91

#91: Fearless

This weekend I was watching Ugly Betty and besides having fine ass Adam Rodriguez on the show, they had a great message. The theme of the show was about being fearless. Lately, I've been feeling like I'm not as bold as I used to be. I know that one of the by-products of getting older is that you learn to hold back and assess before acting but the best thing about youth is that you don't censor yourself as much.

Example: This Friday I had the opportunity to go to a house party. I got home pretty late but psyched myself up to go out anyway. Then the calls came; my friends backing out with various excuses and I decided I couldn't go to the party by myself. So I stayed home. Now I had lots of legitimate reasons I didn't go but ultimately it came down to fear. Who would I talk to? What would I do if I didn't feel comfortable? Just like I'd psyched myself up, I psyched myself out.

I'm not saying I've always been fearless but I wonder if "becoming an adult" hasn't caused my light to dim a little. I've definitely seen it happen to people around me. I've never been afraid of jumping off the side of a mountain or performing in front of hundreds of people but the little rejections, they scare me. I know that I want to be more brave when it comes to those things. Last night I went to a club and I saw a guy that I thought was cute. I got my friend to give him my number. Baby steps.

Sometimes I'm afraid of the dark
I can't find the light in my heart...
But if I was fearless ...
Fearless - Cyndi Lauper

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