Karma

Today on my way to work, I saw a blonde haired, blue-eyed woman standing legs parted, hands behind her back and bag strewn on the ground as she was being arrested by three police officers. And I walked by, I smiled. 

Now, I completely own that my reaction was sick. No one should get joy from watching as someone is arrested. The way police officers demean and make of spectacle of arresting someone makes a pit rise in my throat. But I also can't act like seeing this moment didn't make me a little happy. And that's a real problem. 

I would say around once a month, I see black young men subjected to the same acts of degradation. Young black and brown men, sitting handcuffed along walls as cops lean over them menacingly. Every day as I walk to work I pass by numerous homeless people, the majority of whom are people of color, and watch as the Twitter techies, businessmen and yes, even I sidestep them on our way to our offices after getting our locally brewed coffees. So when I saw that girl being arrested, I smiled because I was happy that it wasn't one of us. It was one of them for once.

And to be honest, that's not justice. Having just as many White people in our corrupt penal system as there are Blacks or Latinos is not justice. It just means more people are being stripped of their basic human rights. Having just as many White people in our overcrowded, underfunded public schools wouldn't be justice either. I don't wish ills on people in order to make the ills of society seem equal. But I did smile. I had a moment of feeling like some sense of karma was being doled out by the universe and I admit it wasn't right. We can't always help how we feel in a particular moment and no matter how many White, blonde haired, blue-eyed girls are arrested, that won't change the fundamentals of our society. Real change like that might actually bring some real joy to my smile. 

The Plight of the First Generation Eldest Sibling*

*A/N: That title sounded bleaker than I meant it to but ...

Shout-out to all the firsts. 

The first to go to college, 

the first to get a job, 

the first to move out, 

the first to really succeed. 

The translators,

the navigators, 

the form filler out-ters. 

The ad-hoc financial aid counselors,

the conciliators, 

and conflict mediators. 

The big brothers and big sisters who are expected to come back

Who want to come back

Who can't come back

The ones to whom family is another full-time job

The ones who are raising kids they never birthed

But bathed

We were the first to leave and we're the first to return

We feel the weight of success 

And bear the burden of not having done enough

While trying to do the most

Shout out to the oldest (not the wisest) 

Shout out to the middle kids for whom this is true

And shout out to the only-ies, cause it's lonely

Shout out for the first but not the last

Sumptuous but Unsubtle

Tonight I had the oppurtunity to see a free screening of Anna Karenina starring Keira Knightley in the title role. It was definitely intriguing and at times spell-binding, but (as is my way) there were certain aspects of the film I just could not get past. Full disclosure: I have never read Tolstoy's novel (though now I am inclined to), so I have no knowledge of the source material. The only thing I knew going into this story was *spoiler* she throws herself on the train tracks in despair over her lover. So with that ahead are the things I loved and the things that made me go hmmmm ...

Media Reformation

In the article, How Luther Went Viral, The Economist shows us that what we today view as the grand experiment of social media is actually nothing new. In fact, Martin Luther's Reformation couldn't have happened without the social media mechanisms we currently take for granted (take a second to imagine Martin Luther and the Pope engaged in Twitter beef). But while we acknowledge how today's social media is just another link in the chain, we also have to take into account how the increased accessibility of today's social media makes it unique and also dangerous.

The Need to Justify

What is it that compels us to justify our choices in life? On the internet it can become a blackhole of back and forth but in real life, it seems to all boil down to some intrinsic need to prove our worth; to have other people understand our intent. But at it's core, it's impossible and most of all, it's tiring. After reading, Dodai's incredibly personal article, When Motherhood Never Happens, I scrolled through the comments and I realized that what was driving points on either side of the comments was the need to justify our life choices. 

Those that were for motherhood felt the need to explain why they had kids and let everyone know that "I still have fun!" and "My life hasn't ended!". At the other end of the spectrum were the cries of, "I can travel and drink and I'm happy!" and "At least I'm not overpopulating the planet!" You know who I respect? The people in the middle. The people who don't judge and don't justify. 

I'm going to turn 29 this summer. When I pictured my life, I always thought I'd have a family, a partner, and own my own home (typical, but true). But I never gave myself a time limit. I never set myself in a particular place. I just always thought that when I had acquired the resources to have those things (the right mindset, some accomplishments, financial stability) those things would materialize. I grew up having my mom drill into me that I wasn't supposed to get pregnant at a young age, I was supposed to finish college and get a well-paying job, I wasn't supposed to depend on a man and I followed that plan. Now as I head towards twenty-nine, my mom's story has changed drastically. "So when are you going to settle down?" is a question that comes up in our conversations. And you know what? I don't answer it. I'm not going to justify to anyone why I'm not living my life on their timetable or their terms or based on their morals. 

I recognize that there is a finite time period in order for me to have my own biological children but guess what? I can't force the pieces into place. And I don't want to. So we have to stop forcing everyone to prove their happiness. To justify their worth. Because that is what divides us. The minute you justify your childlessness by downing motherhood, you've lost the argument. And when you equate your worth to your choice to pop out a kid, you've put someone else on the defense (or honestly in the case of women who can't conceive potentially called someone else worthless because of something they can't help). So stop, just stop. Do you, be you, and justify it to no one. 

Why We Need More Screenwriters of Color

I'm what many would call a TV addict. I have DirecTv (with premium channels!), a Hulu queue that always hovering around 30 deep, a Netflix subscription and a Redbox account. I would say I consume about 40 hours of television a week not including the blogs and television news I consume, so it's probably the full-time job I'm not getting paid for. 

That being said, I'm not an idle watcher. I consume but I also critique and lately with all the Girls controversy and similar issues with one of my favorite shows, The Vampire Diaries, I've been doing some deep analysis of the current television climate and frankly, it's kind of sad. There was a recent study that said that all-white jury pools convicted Black defendants 16% more often than Whites. Furthermore, the presence of just one Black person on the jury made the conviction rates almost identical (even better in that instance White defendants were convicted at a 2% higher rate). I think this same dynamic plays out in the writers room. Just the mere inclusion of one writer of color can make the difference in how what we see onscreen plays out. 

I Need the GOP to Stop Caring About Me

I could wax rhapsodic about the paternalism of White liberalism. In many ways the party that boasts a high percentage of Black support can often be a place where actual Black people are treated like creatures too childlike and ignorant to help themselves. But despite the right's best attempts, they are not shifting this paradigm and helping Blacks get off the "liberal plantation" but rather attempting to install themselves as the new overseers. So to the GOP I have one thing to say: stop caring about me. 

In the past two months, Newt Gingrich has used his (failing) campaign, to expound on what the poor (read: Black) community "needs". Apparently with Newt by our side, we will be able to be janitors, learn how to wake up and earn a paycheck, and stop demanding food stamps. Thank you Newt, for saying the hard statements and asking the hard questions. I, for one, welcome our new master and hope to bask in the light of his .... I'm sorry my eyes just rolled back so far in my head I lost sight of what I was trying to say. Oh, yeah, I'm going to need you to have a seat and stop trying to "save" me.

You know what's a really good way to court the so-called Black vote? Stop treating us as if we're ignorant. Stop treating us as if we've a monolithic community who doesn't know how to help ourselves. Stop using your stereotypes to create facts that are untrue (in fact if any community needs to stop asking for food stamps and demand paychecks it's the White community). And most of all, stop trying to justify your blatant racism (which you can watch in the video below).

Frankly, it's insulting. You don't see me running up into their houses forcing White folks to face their privilege. Or telling the Republicans or Christian right that  I know how to help their community stop being such vain and immoral dicks. Whatever your qualms with Obama may be he's never stood up and said he knows what's better for the American people or any individual community than they do themselves. Even at times when it might have been easier to just say, "I'm smarter than you and this will work out if you let it". So I say again to the GOP, if this is how you care, I'm going to need you to stop.