#31: Bright Days, Stupid Nights Bright Days, Stupid Nights was one of my favorite books when I was young. The story is about four young people working at a small-town newspaper during the summer. At the time, I identified with the character Vicki, the hard-working prodigy who tried hard to prove herself while being caught up in the "romance" she hoped would happen. Pretty much me to a tee. But I never quite understood the title ... until now.
Lately, I've been having a lot of bright days and stupid nights. One thing that I'm constantly afraid of is the "teacher rut". We're only three weeks out so I still have hope but right now it's lots of going to school, dealing with the September heat and coming home to dinner. And an exciting change is a school event like Back-to-School night. The scariest thing is when work drama becomes a big part of your life. It's like high school again when the intensity of every moment makes you feel like it is the MOST IMPORTANT THING.
So I'm trying to keep my life balanced. I want bright days and fun nights.
But the rent. Currently, I find myself in a precarious position rent-wise. I'm working hard to take out small loan to get me through September because of the way my jobs pay periods are set up. I would take out an advance but then I'd find myself doing the same thing a month from now.
In all honesty, I know I brought some of this on myself but I think this problem is compounded by two things: the configuration of the academic year and California's current financial problems.
To tackle the first one, my school ended in late-June. School resumed mid-August. This gave me approximately 6 weeks of vacation. Not enough time to get another job (at least one that didn't involve working with kids all summer) and enough time to blow some money while on "vacation". So I returned to Oakland somewhat refreshed and extremely broke.
And how does the economy play into this? My school is going through some major changes. Some for the good (new, amazing facility). Others for the worst (no room for financial growth). The new position I interviewed for was cut after the state slashed it's budget and although there are some fringe benefits this year (new computer) there are still expenses that the school won't cover (a $10 hike on monthly transportation pass means $80/month to ride the bus).
Which brings me back to where I am. I need to take out a loan and I need to put in every extra hour I can. Unfortunately, that puts me in a position where I can't drop off the loan papers because I'm working at the school from 8 am - 7 pm everyday. Any suggestions?
Today the movie Post Grad premiered in theaters. I haven't seen it yet but this is a subject that is close to my heart. I'm so glad Alexis Bledel is playing this role because I feel like if Gilmore Girls had continued, this would have been season 8: Rory returns home after she realizes that it's near impossible to find a job after college.
What they don't tell you is that if you don't want to work in a cubicle, finding a job that pays more than by the hour or even finding a job in your field of interest is pretty much a pipe dream. I've been out of college for 4 years and I still feel the pressure everyday to run home to my mom and live at home. And with the recession and looming college loans, it's hard not to identify with this film.
Being a college graduate is not enough in this economy. You have to bring a lot to the table and even more you have to be willing to sometimes work for nothing if it's what you're passionate about. Which brings me to my second point. The other thing that makes this movie so relatable is that it's about a white, upper middle-class female. For most first-in-their-family or loan-taking (read: of color) college graduates, the option of taking your time to find a job is nearly non-existent. You have about six months before those loan payments kick in and your parents start to kick you out. For most the question is not "what's your passion?" but "when are you going to make your own money?" And for those pursuing a passion, the grumbling doesn't stop after you leave your old bedroom. I still have to listen to my mom ask me what my plan is and where am I going and my favorite is "when are you going to get a real job?". In this economy, I have one piece of advice for this year's college grads. Stay in school.
I tried really hard to write a post around my birthday about love and horoscopes but it didn't quite work out but now I've moved on and decided to do something different. A friend of mine who's a poet completed an anthology called "100 Poems for 100 Days" I've decided to do something along the same lines, 100 Issues for 100 Days. Now this can be as small as "Love and Horoscopes" (I haven't given up on that post) or as big as "Global Finance" but each day I'm going to try and tackle something different. And I am committing to 100 Issues for 100 Days, which by my count means I should be done by Nov. 24th. Let's see how it goes people.
#1Healthcare Reform
Let's face it people. We are in the trenches. It's November 2008 again and people are yelling "Obama's a Muslim!" and "Don't change my Amurika!" It's sickening and frightening and it's sad. I'll confess, I haven't read the healthcare bill and to be perfectly honest, I'm sure there's plenty of things wrong with it. And ... this one's a biggie ... I'm not sure if I think our government can necessarily run healthcare well. BUT I do know this: I am a 26-year old woman who works two jobs and does not have health insurance and that's wrong.
There is a sickening idea that has come out of the "American dream" and that is the idea that anyone who doesn't have prosperity has not "worked hard enough". Therefore, if you don't have, it's because you didn't want to have. And if the government helps you it's because you are lesser and unworthy and "good people" have taken pity on you. The people currently opposing healthcare reform would have you believe that it's a zero-sum game and the poor are coming to take what you have. And they'll kill your grandma, give your 12-year old an abortion in the backroom of her school and anything else it takes to make it happen.
This country needs a reality check. The truth behind these allegations is vast and multi-layered but ultimately no one is seeking the truth, they're just trying to scare everyone. The ironic thing is that these people rail against terrorists but utilize the same tactics. They are stifling real debate that would make this bill the best it could be so that every citizen would come out on top, not just the rich or the insurance companies but everyone who needs and wants to lead healthy and productive lives. Because essentially that's what this comes down to lives. Like I said, I may not know everything but I know that I am a 26-year old woman who works two jobs and does not have health insurance and that's wrong.
Here we are in 2009! I'm not a resolutions person at all but I do like to reflect on the year and let's just say ... I'm glad 2008 is over. What seemed like a promising year, turned out to be not so much of one and it (thankfully) flew by. But the good thing about a crappy year is that it always comes to an end and if you're smart enough you can learn from it.
I spent my pre-New Year's driving down to L.A. I stopped in Big Sur and spent some time hiking and thinking. It was a wonderful get away (even if it was cold as balls). I hung out with some locals and just breathed in some fresh air. After a pretty dismal Christmas without my family, I needed to feel like things could be different. And there's something about standing in a forest where things seem so static but are constantly changing, it makes you feel like your cirumstances are only temporary. We camped and I laid down my burden (down by the riverside bum-bum!)
Afterwards we continued down the California coast and if you have not driven down the coast, please make it a priority. It was AH-MAZING! Sometimes it was foggy and eerie and other times it was just picture perfect. The entire drive was surreal. I felt like I was in a movie.
And finally we hit LA. I always have mixed feelings about LA. I love that my friends are there, the vibe is faster than Oakland (and therefore closer to NY) but the schmooziness (yes, it's a word) weirds me out. I adore Venice. And I like the Arts District. In many ways, I was made for LA. I'm such a tv/movie freak it seems a no-brainer that I belong there ... and honestly I think I should be there.
I love the Bay but I feel the restlessness settling in. And I know I'm not happy with what I'm doing. I love the kids, and the school and the people but it's not what I want to be doing. After reflecting on the new year I've come to the realization that I need to get my shit together. School, work, whatever it needs to come together. I need a plan and I need to execute it. 2008 was the year of procrastination but 2009 needs to be the year of action. No resolutions just actions. I'm going to make it happen. (As soon as I figure out what IT is)
While I do that anyone want to get me some shoes? ... size 8
