100 Issues for 100 Days: #95

#95: Emotional Rollercoaster

And I'm back on that whining shit
Seriously am I 16 again?
I get upset when the kids tell me
You just don't like me
They hate me, they hate me
Why you always pickin' on me?

But the truth is I understand
The truth of what they say
Cause sometimes the only greeting I get
Is what I did wrong
And I feel like I'm on a loop-di-loop
Up and down, undulating
From highs to lows

I wanna be high
I wanna be unafraid and uninhibited and
Living, loving life
But then I'm banking to the left
Hitting that curve
And plummeting to that low

'Lo and behold
I'm being shit on once again
Like that little kid
I'm a Slumdog Millionaire
It's unfair
And I'm back on that whining shit again

It's sad that I'm taking cues from a 4th grader
Calm down, don't cry, don't let them see you sweat
Fuck, I wish I was a 4th grader
Cause people indulge them when they kick and scream
I say "use your words"
But what if the only word left is FRUSTRATION?!

I'm repeating myself
Why? why?! whining
But why not
That's all I do every day
Don't. Stop. No. Why?
I said, Follow the damn rules!
And I hear it echoed back to me,
Don't. Stop. No. Why?

Apparently, it's written on my face
Because every five paces I'm asked
Are you okay?
And at this point the point is moot.
No.
I'm not.
Okay.
But give me a second. That might change.

100 Issues for 100 Days: #53

#53: And So It Goes ...

Yesterday I was writing about apathy and today my faith is (somewhat) restored. But that just goes to illustrate one of the problems with being a teacher. When you work with a bunch of hormone-loaded teens, you start to act like them.

It's not like I'm going around being mercurial with people but I definitely experience the daily ups and downs that I remember from high school. In a way, it makes me feel compassion for what they're going through. I recall returning to my room at the end of the night feeling as if I'd run a marathon. And it was all due to emotions. Sometimes my mood would change by the hour.

So I get it. I get what teenagers are going through because sometimes I want to throw them through a window, and other times I just want to give them hugs. And luckily, since our K-12 school is now housed in one building I get to experience the purity and sweetness of the younger kids. Not that they're all perfect but you're much less likely to get an indignant "Why?" from a third-grader.

And today was a good day. I got some of my students to really pitch in and help me plan an event. And another helped me put together a bulletin board. Today there was a feeling of excitement that couldn't be dampened by the few who were apathetic. Today was a good day.