Obligatory New Year Post

Not to make it sound so depressing but I can't stand the whole top ten list, countdown of the moments, etc. that plagues the week between Christmas and New Year's Eve. I don't like New Year's resolutions. As someone who's spent most of my life on an academic schedule, the new year is usually September, when a school year begins.

But I understand the appeal of New Year's. The feeling that once the clock strikes 12, you can reinvent yourself. Change the way you act and become that better version of yourself you envision. It's tempting.

There are some things I am looking forward to in 2010. I want to treat myself better. I hope to find clarity. I really want to save more. But I realize that setting up unrealistic goals will just make me feel like a failure if I don't reach them. And I don't think setting a goal on New Year's is the best time anyway since you're still coming down off that holiday high. I can tell you one goal that I hope to achieve. Ringing in the New Year with friends, a cute outfit and wearing my green wig. Totally attainable.

Things That Make Me Happy

I'm a simple person for the most part and I try to take pleasure in life's simple offerings. Here's a few things that are currently making me happy.

This video:


For some reason I start to tear up at the "Somebody to Love" section.

My godsister:

Just about the cutest thing ever. And she's planned a whole evening of us playing with her toys. She cracks me up.






My iPod Touch:

My mom spent way too much on me for Christmas but if I had to, I could give everything back but this iPod. I've been on the web and downloading apps non-stop. It's my absolute new favorite thing.

100 Issues for 100 Days: #96

#96: Dog Days

Today work was the opposite of work. First of all, there was food. A wonderful twist of fate had multiple events going on that involved people bringing full on pans of food to school today. Then there was the calm that descends due to a gray day and groups of students being off-campus. And finally, there were dogs.

My supervisor brought in his sweetheart of a chocolate Lab who I swear is one of the best dogs I've ever met. Then some of my students who were training dogs as part of a community service project presented what they'd done. And to cap it all off, a parent brought in newborn puppies to show the students. In other words: perfection.

I love my cat (one of them ran away so it's singular now), but sometimes you just need puppy love. That snuffly sweetness that only comes from a wet nose and a face lick. I really enjoyed just cuddling with all the wacky dogs that came through today.

The pièce de résistance was a dance show that a friend was performing in. I went to see her dance but the show was so much more. There was some horribly wonderful singing, including Ricky Martin's "Cup of Life" and Rent's "Seasons of Love". Then there were cute kids. Many of the dance pieces where choreographed to some of my all time favorite songs, including a Janet Jackson medley. Basically, it was a perfect storm of awesome.

Essentially, a great day. Oh, did I mention the puppies?

100 Issues for 100 Days: #80

#80: Sore throat

My throat has been feeling a bit sore this week. It's perpetually dry which ironically enough is how my life feels: dry.

My weekend in LA that was supposed to be lots of fun was ... not so much. I enjoyed myself but it was definitely not the weekend of wild debauchery I'd envisioned.

Since returning it's been "crazy in the streets" as I used to say in high school. Literally, I had to yell at a kid in the streets. But most of all, my life seems dry. I don't know where the fun went but it seems to be on permanent vacation and I want it to come home. I know this week has been "The Complainer's Blog" but I don't know what else to write about.

100 Issues for 100 Days: #69

#69: Lay In Bed Mix

The best thing about Sunday is that (if you can) you get to lay in bed all day. Often in movies and television this is depicted as the girl rolling around in her huge bed in gorgeous lingerie or sexy, casual underwear while an enticing soundtrack plays and she contemplates the next act to come. Even though I don't know too much about the rolling around in lingerie part, I can relate to laying in bed and listening to music. When I'm laying in bed, I want to listen to songs that take me from romance to lust to heartbreak and back again, along with a few songs I can sing along to. I created a playlist especially for that purpose and these are my top ten songs from that playlist (in order of how they should be played).


1. "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy" - Sarah Maclachan
Sarah Maclachlan hit it out of the park with this one. Equal parts sexy and romantic. It makes you want to pull at your clothes and feel skin against your skin, but not in a skeevy way.

2. "Cannot Even (Break Free)" - The Noisettes
This song is angsty and powerful. The lead singer of the Noisettes has a powerful voice and it's stretched to the limit here.

3. "Again" - Janet Jackson
The ultimate "lay in bed" song. The video features Janet on a bed covered in white with a simple top and a pair of jeans. A belly chain and Gary Dourdan are her only accessories.

4. "Bad Habits" - Maxwell
Although I disagree with the theme of the song, the infectious beat and Maxwell's breathy voice take me to another world.

5. "Beautiful" - Me'shell Ndegéocello
The height of romance. I first heard this song in the film Lost & Delirious and I'll probably always associate it with that movie. The lyrics are touching and the pared down to it's essence music is intoxicating.

6. "Realize" - Colbie Caillat
Simple message, simple melody but complicated emotions. It's a stereotypical dilemma. "If you'd just realize, what I just realized, then we'd be perfect for each other ... if you'd just realize"

7. "Your Body is a Wonderland" - John Mayer
Second only to "Again" when it comes to being a perfect "lay in bed" song. The entire video takes place in a bed. And why get out of bed when someone is discovering your body like it's newly discovered land?

8. "Pavement" - Cassie Steele
Cassie Steele is a young girl with some pretty dark lyrics. This song is full of angst and regret but in a way that's completely cathartic.

9. "Kissing You" - Des'ree
I can't help that every time I hear this song I see Leonardo DiCaprio kissing Claire Danes in my head. But more than that this song epitomizes innocent love and glorifies one of my favorite things: kissing.

10. "Heaven Help" - Lenny Kravitz
My mix ends with this song because it's not only soothing but it's determined and hopeful. When Lenny says, "I'm ready for love", I feel like I can go out and face anything. And who knows what I might find when I make up my mind to find it.

100 Issues for 100 Days: #67

#67: Joy Rising

I'm not an Oprah fan. If I watch an episode of Oprah it's usually because she has a guest that I enjoy or because I stumble into it. Last night, I stumbled into an episode about "bests". There was a segment about the "best jeans" for curvy bottoms (CJ by Cookie Johnson). And even one about the "best job" (a travel writer). But the one that stuck with me was about a "flash mob" that was organized for Oprah at a Black-Eyed Peas performance in Chicago. One of the participants described that he felt a feeling of "joy rising" during the event. I thought it was poetic.

I've definitely had those moments. Where you feel connected and joy seems to be bubbling inside you. A lot of those moments, I've had while performing. I've even had a few of those moments with my students while watching them do presentations or interact with each other in positive and supportive ways. And sometimes I've had those moments while sitting calmly with my thoughts.

My only concern is that those moments have been fewer and far between lately. I think it's something that everyone should experience. And it should be often because it's sublime.

100 Issues for 100 Days: #23

#23: You Must Know ...

Amelia Earhart has always been an uninspiring figure for me. She's never really rated on any scale for me as an icon or a feminist, but today on Jezebel there was an interesting article about her in which they quoted a letter she gave to her husband on their wedding day:

You must know again my reluctance to marry, my feeling that I shatter thereby chances in work which means so much to me. . . . In our life together I shall not hold you to any medieval code of faithfulness to me, nor shall I consider myself bound to you similarly. . . . I may have to keep some place where I can go to be myself now and then, for I cannot guarantee to endure at all the confinements of even an attractive cage. I must extract a cruel promise, and that is you will let me go in a year if we find no happiness together.*

(*emphasis mine)

In the past few days, I've had two friends get engaged, and even more in the past few months. It made me wonder, what parts of myself am I willing (or unwilling) to give up in a marriage? What would my letter look like? I think it would be something like this:

You must know again my reluctance to marry. I've seen this end in spite and sorrow. And I've seen it tear down the self-esteem of everyone involved. In our life together, I hope that you can be honest, because I value that above all other virtues. I consider myself bound to you but if breaking bonds helps us both to live than do not hesitate to cut the cord. I am not your cage and you are not mine. I may have to keep some things for myself to be myself but everything else I wish to share. I must extract a promise and that is that you will let me go when holding on becomes too much. If we end, I hope to end in love.

Although I don't count Earhart as one of my personal heroes, I have a lot of respect for her entering a marriage with a clear vision and a clear intention of what she wanted and didn't want. Too often women are caught up in the dream rather than the reality beyond the wedding. I hope when I get married, I'm not planning for a day but instead for a lifetime.

100 Issues for 100 Days: #20

#20: The Hangover


Apparently cleansing my system means that my body is not ready to handle hard liquor. Last night, I went out for my friends birthday and despite the fact that I only drank three (admittedly strong) drinks, I spent the day pretty out of it.

I tend to be a good drinker which means that hangovers are not de rigeur for me but if this is how my body's going to react to hard liquor, I will definitely be taking it down a notch for a long while. I don't want wake up with a strange baby and a tiger next to me. But this post does give me an excuse to post this video:

100 Issues for 100 Days: #18

#18: Flashback

I just finished reading, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason*. After hearing about the possibility that a third film was in the works, some people had suggested reading the second book, which is apparently far better than the film. While I agree that the book is superior, reading it as a woman in her mid-twenties definitely brought a new perspective.

(If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs ...)

Although the Bridget-isms were charming (though a bit dated as it was pubished in 1999) and I do love a British chick-lit novel, Bridget's raging insecurities were hard to deal with. The conceit of the novel is that Bridget is addicted to self-help novels and friends' advice, so much so that she is completely immobilized by it. Because everything that she reads and hears is contradicted by what she should actually be doing, she never gains any traction in her relationship. At one point, she goes to throw out her self-help books and even the listing of the titles (The Rules, Ignoring the Rules, How to Seek and Find the Love You Want, How to Find the Love You Want Without Seeking It) illustrate just how bogged down her logic is.

(If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too)

As the reader, you're hoping that Bridget's insights about "Singletons" and "Smug Marrieds" will lead her to some epiphany about life and love but sadly the heroine of this novel finds herself continually bogged down in wondering what her would-be lover is thinking rather than speaking to him. Funny enough, Bridget's mom, who is daft for the majority of the story, in one lucid moment says the most wise of things, "What's the point ... if you don't know what you think about things?"

(If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken)

Although I personally can't relate to Bridget (I can't relate to any literary character who basically works their way into debt and magically finds a wonderfully rich man), reading this book did give me a lot of understanding into where I am now. First of all, I am not living in a chick-lit novel. If I was the aforementioned wonderfully rich guy would be making his entrance about now. Luckily, I am also not surrounded by Smug Marrieds. I am a Singleton but not searching for spirituality in self-help novels in manner of "If Buddha Dated". What I am is somewhat content, usually horny (but who isn't in this heat?) and continuing to figure out my career. And I'll admit, I'm hoping I won't be still typing those words ten years from now.


(If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim)

The best thing about reading this book (beside it making me wildly happy about my own level o self-esteem) was the discovery of the poem If by Rudyard Kipling. I don't think Bridget fully understands the gem she's come upon when she reads this poem but she does use it to draw strength from while she's in a Thai prison. And I'll definitely hold the words with me.

(If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster, And treat those two imposters just the same)



*I'm currently reading books that have been turned into films. Atonement, Incendiary and Wonder Boys are on the list).